Episode #05 Top 5: Worst Sex Tips

We've all seen them around. You pick up your favorite magazine just for gals' and it's filled with fun sex tips you can't wait to try out when your man gets home.

Here's the rub:

There are tons of sex tips that just don't make sense, sound like they hurt, or are just generally going to lead to disaster.

Here's a quick five:

5. "Be especially careful if he is neat, well groomed, or spending a lot of time at the gym, he's probably getting it from somewhere else." (Yes, because being neat, well presented, and working on your fitness MUST mean he's cheating on you. Please, tell me.....what does it mean when he remembers my birthday, takes me out to dinner, or opens a door for me? Does that mean his Mother doesn't like me?)

4. "Give him a beer facial - the combination of the egg whites and yeast in hops hydrates and improves skin elasticity...but don't tell him this, just say "my lips can't resist your delicious beer flavored face.". (Because there's nothing sexier than a secret facial at the price of making yourself look like a beer crazed crazy. If you threw beer in my face, I'd be all set. And not in the good way.)

3. "Take your favorite desserts to bed, like a can of whipped cream or chocolate sauce. (Have you ever actually tried this? The smell whipped cream makes when mixed with unspeakable acts should probably be on a list with other weapons of mass destruction. Seriously, it's disgusting. Not to mention the clean up sucks.)

2. "Ask him what songs he listened to in Junior High and play them during a hookup. It will take him back to that time when he was in an almost permanent state of horniness triggering his primal urges. (Am I the only one who thinks most guys don't need help in the horniness department? Why don't you just ask him if his 13 year old nephew is single while you're feeling particularly pedophilia-like.)

1."Sprinkle pepper under his nose right before he climaxes. Sneezing can feel similar to an orgasm and amplify the feel good effects." (If you somehow manage to remember to bring pepper to bed with you, then manage to simultaneously get him to climax while sprinkling just the right amount of pepper under his nose, then you are a goddamn superhero and I want to be friends with you.)